They Were Not!
by Alena S. Anigor
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, they were NOT a freaking couple. Haine x Naoto crack. Spoilers for chapters 57 and 58. Reviews are welcome.


_**They were not!**_

-by Alena S. Anigor

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She would kill that damn bastard.

Her 'big brother wannabe'. Pfft, big brother her ass. Last time she checked, big brothers weren't supposed to attack you with knives in broad daylight and go all psycho on you because they misunderstood some things. Greatly. But then again, when she thought about it, her 'family' wasn't exactly the epitome of functional.

And because the said 'big brother' in question had misunderstood some things (_greatly_, mind you), now she was involved in a _great_ mess she wasn't sure how to straight out.

But she would kill him first. She would rip his balls out next time she'd see him, oh, yes, she would. She would scalp him with glee and cackle upon his dead body (because she really hates that ponytail of his. He had always had shinier hair, dammit).

And then she would leave him to bleed out somewhere in some dark alley so no one would ever find him. Except an occasional rat or a dog. Which would be irony in itself and she almost giggled at the idea. And then she would murder anyone else who'd even dare to propose...that. Well, maybe not Nill...she was nice enough. And then she'd kill that fucking zombie, too. Just for good measure. It didn't matter he wasn't exactly killable and didn't go down easily; she'd find a way to chop his head off, too just so people would really stop insinuating that they were..._that_.

And then, she would finally relax and take her time eliminating that psycho bitch that killed her parents and ruined her life.

But seriously, who the hell would want a zombie-albino-genetic-experiment-gone-haywire for a boyfriend? Seriously. That's the greatest whatthefuckery she's ever heard. And she's heard plenty.

Looking at him (scowling at her, because he was just so awesome at scowling at people), she frowned and sneered at his annoyed expression; apparently, he wasn't thrilled with merciless teasing and kissing noises in the background, either. She could see his fingers itching to grab the guns secured behind his back and under his coat and dammit, she also wanted to unsheathe her katana to wipe that smirk off Badou's face. She'd spare Nill, she liked her. Even though she was, too, throwing them silly little looks of adoration and awe.

They were _not_ a fucking couple! He was _not_ her fucking boyfriend and they certainly were _not_ meant for each other. And it was _not_ fate that brought them together; it was her skills in tormenting stupid informants who were stupid enough to want a piece of her ass for given information. Plus, she was a good stalker, too.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the sound of gunshots was heard and she turned to see Haine shooting at a very amused and cackling redhead running away from them, cigarette smoke trailing merrily behind him. Shaking her head and deadpanning, she looked at the growling albino by her side, his hands still gripping guns tightly. He was breathing heavily and glaring daggers (how appropriate) at the eye patch nicotine freak who was actually giggling down the road.

When he finally looked at her again, his eyes were even more bloodshot than usual (who could go wrong with that when his eye color was so freakishly red) and he snarled at her. She glowered in turn.

"Fuck this shit", he bit out and turning around sharply, marched down the road and towards the church, his boots hitting the concrete mercilessly. Granny Liza snickered. Nill threw one last withering look Naoto's way and then scurried off after him. Badou was nowhere in sight, not that Naoto cared. She'd drill a hole in his other eye if he ever dared to sing '_Haine and Naoto, sitting in the tree_' in front of her again.

Hearing footsteps behind her, Naoto turned and saw the blind pedopriest walking her way, his stylish hair swaying dramatically in the wind (because he was just so dramatic and stylish, anyway).

He was quiet for a few moments, looking up into the sky and stroking his chin wisely, until he let out one intelligent 'hmmm' and looked back at her.

"You know, despite my tight schedule, maybe I could squeeze you two in," he started and Naoto's fingers tightened around her blade, a cold glimmer in her dark eyes.

"You could find a nice dress and I'll lend him a tux and you could come, let's say next Satu-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence because Naoto's blade was nestled right against his jugular and he gulped audibly, letting out one meek 'ahh' and looking up at the sky, his arms up in surrender.

Goodness, kids these days. Really.

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**a/n:**

I decide to come back to writing world and what do I come with? Crack. Pure, undiluted crack. And this actually started as a serrious, introspective piece since I'm a HainexNaoto fan and I wanted to write something for those two. Oh, mai.

Anyway, this is something that came to my mind after reading chapter 58 and cackling like a maniac over it. Miwa is SO shipping people lately. Uhm...that's it. Just a fleeting trip to fanfiction land before I forget how to write anything else besides essays, papers and exams. :/


End file.
